Topical jokes: Boris Johnson, Syria crisis and Salisbury spy

Topical Boris Johnon jokes as the Foreign Secretary is exposed over his Porton Down claims.

boris johnson

I am not sure Russia’s head of assassinations is looking forward to his appraisal.

So we have gone from a chemical weapons attack on Salisbury to a case of ABH for the magistrates court.

New York murder rates would look different if they included copkillings.

Nicola Sturgeon says she plans to press on with plans for a second referendum – although not sure if she means Scotland or Catalunya.

New Novichok twist as Russia claims Greggs uses it in their pasties.

Sure Start centres close as Tories suggest these services can be replicated by watching Loose Women.

UKIP is just the Tories without a press office.

So basically Novichok was great back in the day but it makes no sense to buy it now. Sounds like a Harry Redknapp signing.

Tory evidence that Putin did Skripal is now based on a three-second smirk caught on a space satellite.

This Novichok assassination is like some preposterously shit attempt to kill James Bond from the 1970s.

Porton Down scientists say they are unable to trace the origins of Boris Johnson.

It’ll end up turning out that you can get Novichok on Amazon.

Boris Johnson is a dream Foreign Secretary – if you’re Vladimir Putin.

Tories deny Boris Johnson got Porton Down confirmation off a cleaner.

David Milliband has been named the new manager of West Brom.

Disney buying Sky to strengthen links between its iconic mouse character and Sky’s news output.

Banned for a year and forced to blub on telly for scuffing a cricket ball which actually had no impact. In cycling you’d have to run over eight kids for that.

Sugar reduction campaigners say their campaign would make people healthier and reduce unfunny Nazi memes.

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