Topical jokes: Cheddar Man and Tories have a ball

Topical jokes, including Cheddar Man jokes, as the origins of the first-ever Britain suggest they were dark skinned. Jokes too on the Oxfam crisis, Brexit and more. 

jokes

I hear Oxfam did try to tell Damian Green but he was distracted apparently.

We are going to review Oxfam, says woman who’s closest colleague is a bloke who wanks at work.

The Premier League is so predictable even the City fans aren’t watching.

Train companies say messages asking people to report anything unusual is just encouraging UKIP voters to make contact every time they see a Pole.

Airports are like a techno-dystopia pilot scheme.

You just know there is something disturbingly erotic driving Tory donors to pay money to spend time with politicians.

Tory lots at the Black and White Ball included a mudbath wi Micky Gove, a threesome starring Micky Fallon and going on the pull with Boris Johnson in Warsaw.

The Cold War proved Russia never had a world domination plan – it barely had a Russian empire domination plan.

Britain First

Bloody hell, my eureka moment. Boris Johnson is Theresa May’s emotional support rodent.

Donald Trump will become the first President to become showbiz editor for The Sun.

Why do so called Labour MPs attack pro Labour blogs more than racist bigotsheets which caused Brexit?

New information about cavemen 10,000 years ago disputed by cavemen from the present based in Kent.

UKIP sympathizing historians say dark skinned Britons likely to have gained entry via some meddlesome cavemen in Belgium.

Early Britons were dark skinned – terrified fascists demand to know if they liked Top Gear.

Analysis from the Cheddar Man age says there is evidence of a white male from that period. All historians know is that his surname was Nuttall.

I wonder if Britain First are still upset about finding out who were in Britain first.

People doing the London Marathon are just trying to get enough Weight Watchers points to eat a Whopper.

Paul Heckingbottom joins Leeds on an 18-minute contract.

Carillion excuses include ‘it’s hard collecting money in Qatar’. Surprising, considering Qatar is famous for its transparency and accountability.

Jurgen Klopp cannot really analyse the pen as he was too busy doing the conga with one of the stewards.

Katie Hopkins collapses after taking ketamine. Emergency services rushed to the scene – but were unable to recover the ketamine.

We are going to review Oxfam, says woman who’s closest colleague is a bloke who wanks at work.

The Premier League is so predictable even the City fans aren’t watching.

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