Sausage roll scandal: Greggs jokes and Kezia Dugdale jokes

Topical jokes as Greggs are forced to apologise for replacing Jesus with a sausage roll: Labour’s Kezia Dugdale goes on reality TV; and Krispy Kreme’s doughnut offer goes wrong. 

sausage roll

Davy boy Davis greetin’ because he’s being cut out of Brexit talks. Bringing back all those school memories when his ‘pals’ gave him the wrong party address.

Kezia Dugdale will achieve diddly squat on I’m A Celeb, aside from maybe getting 8 second skit spots on the Uzbeck Pets Win Prizes.

So a world created specifically for bottom-feeding attention losing Kezia Dugdale to reality television.

It would be insane enough that our so-called politicians want to be celebs. But they’re even happy to bottom-end Z listers as if they’re off TOWIE.

Kezia Dugdale isn’t even famous within the fucking Labour Party.

So Chris Coleman will be back managing Wales come August.

Leaving the EU will destroy the economy, say Goldman Sachs – who are best known for destroying the economy.

Eh Jesus could’ve maybe got Moses to part the morning queue at Greggs.

Anyway Jesus was so a sage.

Jesus H

The US lecturing on election interference is like Harvey Weinstein providing etiquette training for office Xmas parties.

Wait till you see where Greggs have stuck the haloumi cheese in their Ramadan advert.

If we’re being honest we probably worship the sausage roll more than Jesus.

Surely the bigger scandal is that the Greggs sausage roll appears in shops, to buy.

James Dyson running such a great business that he is suing his ex CEO.

Replacing Baby Jesus with a sausage? I’m sure Graham Taylor did that in Euro 92.

Mind you Greggs have form substituting stuff – like when they started using cat food instead of pork.

Ben Affleck wants a graceful way to bow out as Batman. How about courtroom sex harassment case with Catwoman?

Uber Eats apologise for doughnut delivery failure and offer a free recording of Ken Clarke’s Brexit speech – which is available on their Myspace channel.

Remainers basic position is that people are stupid and we need another vote so they can un-stupid themselves. These are the rational folk apparently.

So no-one read the IT team footnote that the promotion would need a £2bn server upgrade.

Super Eric Pickles new marketing job ain’t going well.

Donald Trump allays fears over his links to Russia by telling everyone what a top bloke Vladimir Putin is.

Vladimir Putin says he is ‘pretty sure’ Donald Trump didn’t interfere in the US election.

James Dyson forgets we’ll need corporation tax to pay the bill for leaving the EU.

Concern that Priti Patel may be missing her old job as she tries to organise a series of secret meetings with the Witham Bowls Club.

Breaking news: Defrosted Lidl lobster escapes and murders entire Surrey family.

Bet you David Lynch’s net history is just a series of repeated Google searches, ‘What does Twin Peaks mean?’

Media slates Alex Salmond for appearing on thinly-disguised propaganda channel. Salmond has apologised for appearing on Marr.

I’m really starting to think we no longer understand the true spiritual meaning of the John Lewis Xmas ad.

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