Secret meetings in Israel: Priti Patel jokes

Topical Priti Patel jokes as the  International Development secretary resigns over secret meetings with Israel. 

priti patel

Our Foreign Secretary is basically a grown up version of the kid from Home Alone.

This government is so disorganised that they’ll probably #reshuffle and forget to appoint a Chancellor.

Theresa May insists she has plenty of options for Cabinet jobs as she names her new International Development Secretary as Jeremy Corbyn.

The other thing Priti Patel has failed to disclose is how the hell she’s ever had a job.

Well if Super Priti Patel does get canned, she could always start her own holiday company.

Priti Patel may need an entire server for all her What’s App notifications when she gets off that plane.

So the Tories covertly fund oppressive security regimes under the guise of aid which then helps recruit yet more IS loons. While on holiday.

The way things are unravelling, it is going to emerge that Priti Patel actually serves in the Israeli Army when on holiday.

So if Priti Patel’s idea of a holiday is 12 secret meetings with the Israelis, does that mean her work trips mainly involve building sandcastles?

Perhaps we should stick ‘not persecuting the disabled’ and ‘not killing half a million Iraqis’ in the ‘ministerial code’.

Ooh maybe Priti Patel was trying to see whether Israel’s cruel Apartheid and oppression could be used on UK benefits claimants.

Priti Patel was probably trying to prove she could negotiate a trade deal by herself and ended up with a load of Latvian VCRs.

Mystifying as to why Priti Patel needed so many secret meetings with the Israeli government. Were they doing a Twin Peaks podcast?

Man alive, 12 meetings with Priti Patel. I bet you it was the Israelis who tipped off the media just to stop her coming back.

Priti Patel denies growing rumours that she was trying to smuggle Frazzles to Israel.

Tories enraged as it emerges Priti Patel had a number of undisclosed meetings with the Prime Minister of Great Britain.

280 characters Twitter now looks like a really annoying corporate messaging system from 1996.

Remember everyone you’re guilty until proven innocent. And even then you’re still guilty.

Let’s remember Prince Charles generates millions from tourism – in various tax havens.

“Prince Charles with a potential conflict of interest arising from Paradise Papers. Well I’m not voti-Oh.”

Well hiring David Moyes will either be the worst decision in football history…or the second worst.

Is the FA Cup draw being done by some Borneo orangutans or did nobody ask the Football League for ideas?

The secret of Lidl’s cheap lobster is that they source them from Nelson Mandela house, Peckham.

Tax avoiding company found to have avoided tax. There is no suggestion that Apple gives the remotest shit.

Hey that Strictly Come Dancing is a proper tsunami of sexual harassment.

So Liz Windsor gets free money off the taxpayer then stashes it offshore.

Tories now assigning minders to MPs who do really dodgy stuff. What, like voting for austerity?

One assumes the media are saving all the Boris Johnson allegations for season two.

Sky host recoils in horror at the thought of an older man sending a dodgy text to someone much younger. Dude – your boss is Rupert Murdoch.

Damian Green’s idea of extreme porn is probably watching Migration Watch being interviewed by Andrew Neil.

As the British economy continues to get in the sea, the main parties will be focused on the intricacies of acceptable hugging.

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