Westminster sexual harassment: Michael Fallon jokes

Topical jokes as Westminster drowns in a sea of sexpest stories.


State of the Tories: looks like their next conference will be broadcast on the Adult Channel.

Damian Green asks colleagues what the bar is for sexual harassment and nobody’s quite sure what he means.

Micky Fallon resigned because he is apparently a role model for soldiers – maybe at Deepcut.

Micky Fallon was known as Mr Reliable – especially in terms of ending house parties.

I know of another journalist who did not mind flirting with big Michael Fallon. Andrew Marr.

The world, 2017. Julia Hartley-Brewer criticises Michael Fallon for resigning over harassing Julia Hartley-Brewer.

State of the Tory men, they are going to have to do the Brexit talks in Hannibal Lector cages.

Chris Rennard is going to be giving lessons in etiquette at this rate.

So it turns out Michael Fallon takes sexual harassment more seriously than Julia Hartley-Brewer.

“I am so surprised that there is sexual harassment in Westminster after the way the Libdems dealt with Rennar-Oh.”

Goner Green

Damian Green says the alleged knee was ╦ťfleeting and almost deniable”. Oh my mistake that’s the victim.

Damian Green’s policies did for his reputation a long time ago.

I’d feel awkward and professionally compromised just if my Twitter bio said I was a Tory activist.

Why can’t David Walliams dress up as Kim Jong Un? Kim Jong Un does it.

The best way to avoid Damian Green texts is to never ever talk to Damian Green.

You’re telling making Haribo isn’t a fulfilling and well-paid career with a gold-plated pension?

No issues with diversity in the media as white dude who runs Channel 4 puts an unqualified white dude in charge of programmes.

Banks rewarded for failing says Gordon Brown. He should know, he used to do a lot of the rewarding.

Rome wasn’t built in a day says Jeremy Hunt. No Jeremy but how long did it take to dismantle?

Big Mark Garnier asked his PA to get him something despicable and inappropriate. Yeah like what, some Vote Tory leaflets.

Michael Gove looks like a ventriloquist dummy for a serial killer.

The Mark Garnier PA sent out to get a sex toy came back with Michael Gove.

Who was editing the Sunday papers this weekend ? Mary Whitehouse’s ghost?

Journalists gleefully writing up sexual harassment stories might stop when they realise the latest allegations are against them.

As politicians’ every gesture and text are reviewed by party truth commissions, Wayne Rooney will be on the pull with a gold wheelbarrow.

We can now be clear that the US election was rigged – by Hillary Clinton.

I agree Michael Fallon’s behaviour would have been acceptable ten years ago – assuming he means being a Tory.

Breaking: Super Michael Gove admits behaviour ‘may have fallen below standards’ during night out with Keith Harris and Orville.

Well by Micky Fallon’s standards big Boris Johnson needs to basically book himself in to the nearest jail.

Boris Johnson is probably too sexist for Saudi Arabia.

This Westminster gropemania shit is like Julius Caesar but in a Cardiff nightclub.

So it turns out Michael Fallon didn’t use his charm and good looks in his courting.

So Mark Garnier now looking like one of the better behaved male MPs.

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