Weinstein joke fail: Michael Gove jokes and League Cup jokes

Topical jokes as Michael Gove’s Harvey Weinstein jokes makes everybody angry: the League Cup draw epically fails again; the NHS turns to Airbnb to solve its crisis; Labour’s Jared O’Mara is the latest in trouble for dodgy comments: Gemma Collins falls over: and the World Health Organisation realises people don’t like Robert Mugabe.

michael gove

Arsenal’s youngsters wouldn’t be good enough for shit sides such as, er, Arsenal.

Arsene Wenger’s legacy will now be as the manager who was most successful at destroying his legacy.

Ivan Gazidis says Arsenal’s points to spending ratio is amazing. And I’m sure that’ll make a great fan song one day Ivan.

Personally support video technology in football otherwise how else we gonna watch.

After NHS Airbnb, we can look forward to anti terror cops being replaced by Deliveroo cyclists armed with megaphones.

Michael Gove there, showing the danger of groping around for topical jokes.

Welcome to Toryland. Where patients get put up in AirBnBs so that hospitals can make money putting up tourists.

Theresa May looks at her ˜improve polls” notepad and crosses off ˜Michael Gove Weinstein riffs”.

Are we using a stupid joke as an excuse to pile in on Michael Gove? If so, good.

The funny thing about Weinstein is that even with all these allegations, Michael Gove still seems creepier.

Michael Gove’s one to talk about folk’s bedrooms. His has got his stuffed dead mum on a rocking chair.

Folk who didn’t say anything stupid when young because they were ˜sensible” are the sort of pointless cunts who vote for wars.

The BBC angrily deny they are cutting drama as it reveals its Sunday night flagship drama as Murder on the National Express.

Tories want you to recover from a heart bypass in an AirBnb. And it won’t be long before they try and make you have the operation there too.

Madonna turns up to a favela in designer combat slacks. Not since William Hague turned up to carnival in a baseball cap.

Interviews now for anyone who wants to go to America. It’s probably easier to visit Russia.

The latest bout of US anti-terror measures will of course inconvenience everyone bar terrorists.

These Carabao Cup draws suggest the Football League is using the competition to blood inexperienced administrators.

This season nobody has done more to make the League Cup look bad than the organisers of the League Cup.

I wouldn’t trust the football league with the draw for the League Cup final.

Panicking Football League bosses draft in Stephen Hawking to help them not fuck up the semi final draw.

More embarrassment at the Foreign Office as Boris Johnson says his favourite football film is Murder on the Orient Express.

Next Carabao Cup draw to take place with a huge black monolith in the background.

For Halloween I’m dressing up as Tony Blair.

Jared O’Mara’s a big Drowned in Sound fan but I hear Guido’s more into Pitchfork.

If you didn’t post offensive shit on Drowned in Sound forums in the late 90s then YOU’RE the one with the problem.

Boris Johnson says he hopes the death of Fats Domino won’t harm the pizza industry.

If Jared O’Mara was a Tory the whole left would be demanding he resign. And the next day the story would be dead and he’d be promoted.

Philip Davies says Jared O’Mara comments are so bad he could join the Tories.

George HW Bush is a creepy bastert who should be kept away from women – and that was when he was President.

Jared O’Mara said Dik and Dom should be bludgeoned to death with a blunt otter. That is some Churchillian ass shit right there.

Weird how Arsenal’s youth system is mainly focused on producing squad players for Bolton.

Kate Nash upset by a Buzzfeed article. It really doesn’t meta guys.

Gareth Southgate causes storm by not including Lionel Messi in his top 3 footballers. His no 3 was Gareth Southgate.

Gemma Collins basically just summed up Roy Hodgson’s England career.

Big Gemma Collins to sue the BBC for failing to remind her that you cannot walk on air.

The Everton shortlist also resembles a potential sequel to the movie Dream Team.

The state of Andrew Lloyd Webber – he looks like a cryogenically defrosted nobleman from the 17th century.

Jeremy Corbyn will literally talk to anyone if it might help. Hamas. The IRA, Hillary Benn.

ITV’s crime and punishment season reveal that the bit in Alan Partridge where he has programme ideas has now happened.

ITV’s crime and punishment season should include Morgan Spurlock being forced to survive an entire month on ITV.

Toby Young says Robert Mugabe becoming a goodwill ambassador is only because of a lack of black applicants.

SNP types keep expressing solidarity for Catalonia – yet that lot wouldn’t hold an illegal jumble sale.

Well at least the organisation which made Robert Mugabe a goodwill ambassador isn’t responsible for keeping us all alive.

World Health Organisation blames Mugabe appointment on Wikipedia being down.

Tags: , ,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Back to Top ↑

Cheap laughs! Get topical jokes straight in your inbox. Subscribe now!