Topical jokes: Andrew Lloyd Webber, Gordon Ramsay and politics round-up

Topical jokes as Gordon Ramsay investigates drug dealing, Andrew Lloyd Webber leaves the House of Lords and Donald Trump upsets a widow. There was also a yellow sky. 

andrew lloyd webber

Robert Mugabe a goodwill ambassador. Who next? Tony Blair?

Donald Trump needs Twitter to remind himself he is real.

Asked about career prospects, Donald Trump replies: North or South

North Korea confirm they are looking into a deal to sign Donald Trump.

‘Down on your knees bitch’ was just Clivey Lewis describing Owen Smith’s leadership campaign.

Gordon Ramsay disgusted by cocaine use on a Sunday. Agree that’s a ket day.

Shocked to see cocaine found in Gordon Ramsay restaurant staff toilets. Would’ve expected heroin.

Theresa May was sucked into having that snap election like a naive kid being tempted to smoke crack – which she also now does.

If Douglas Ross likes trying to impose order on a bunch of an unruly men he should spend more time being a Tory MP.

Stumped by Trump

Donald Trump denies spending ten minutes telling a soldier’s widow about why he hates the NFL.

Donald Trump shouldn’t be allowed to speak to his own wife let alone anyone else’s.

America will soon collectively decide to pretend Tom Hanks is President.

Hmm So you’ve lost the love of your life and someone thinks now would be a good time for you to talk to Donald Trump.

The Tories there, taking a wee break from fucking up Brexit to fuck up welfare.

There surely isn’t anything more fun than watching the Tories enact Jeremy Corbyn’s policies.

With six weeks to wait it may as well be a magic universal credit tree.

Mark Carney’s printing money schemes should be investigated by the Monopoly Commission.

Tell you what the pace and scale of terror propaganda is pretty unprecedented too.

My mate doesn’t go to India because of all the hen dos.

Phantom Lord

So finally the Phantom of the House of Lords quits.

Looking forward to House of Lords the musical.

There are cryogenic death chambers with more soul than Tory conference.

England looking like a scene out of Mad Max. More Tory conference news later.

It’s the yellow face in the White House we need to worry about not the yellow sky.

All we need is Arnold Schwarzenegger running around trying to figure out why Sharon Stone is trying to kill him.

And so a new excuse for the trains to be late is born.

So under the Tory ‘no deal’ strategy, we’ll all be living off Chris Grayling’s runner beans.

I’m hearing there is going to be a BBC News special presented by Andrew Marrs.

UKIP are easy to ignore if you think of them as white noise.

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