Topical jokes: Donald Trump, Scotland fail and Theresa May

Topical jokes in the week that Donald Trump continued to make the world less safe, Scotland go out of the World Cup and Theresa May has another bad week.

donald trump

Iran has just decertified Donald Trump.

Donald Trump’s UNESCO move shows the US is now a client state of Israel.

US football team failed to beat Trinidad. A horrific, embarrassing and humiliating day – for Trinidad.

Who knew that the Donald Trump we saw pre election was the liberal version?

The US are so fucking terrible at football they probably wouldn’t qualify if they were hosting it.

I doubt a lot of Guardian journalists really believe it holds truth to power.

Someone should tell John Harris, who’s a Guardian journalist.

Tories Venezuela attack line has a problem – most folk think it’s a type of music.

Some Remainers think ‘no deal’ would be akin to nuclear winter.

Theresa May asked if she would guarantee rights of EU citizens. Tezza can’t guarantee if she’ll come into work tomorrow.

Did you know Theresa May is an avid letter writer – especially since Tory conference.

Wee Gordon

Theresa May only went on the radio so she didn’t have to worry about falling letters.

Remainers think you can ignore major national votes. It sounds like something Theresa May would say.

Chris Martin was awful when he was in form.

Labour are one anti Gordon Strachan meme away from overtaking the SNP.

So while Scotland won’t be at the World Cup, you will be able to see England’s

Scotland impersonation. It’s very good.

Genetically, Gordon Strachan has a problem.

Mike Pence says he will not dignify any event that disrespects the flag orsoldiers. What, like electing a reality TV star President?

Don’t worry Scottish football will be saved by its new guru Malky Mackay – as soon as he’s finished having a bounce on some falsies.

There are probably 3 people left in Scotland who want Gordon Strachan to stay. Unfortunately they all work in senior positions at the SFA.

EU say they don’t regret calling Phillip Hammond ‘the enemy’ and add that he also has ‘shit hair’.

Bless Roy Bodgson. When Palace score he looks like a dementia patient who’s found a Cornflake. #MOTD

State of Phil Hammond. Looks like he plans to conduct Brexit talks from a foxhole in fucking Hanoi.

Eight years of Trump and bloody Fiji will be trying to build nukes.

Mired in a hugely delicate nuclear situation with North Korea, Donald Trump responds by starting another one with Iran.

Phillip Hammond says sorry for describing the EU as the enemy but forgets to take the camouflage paint off.

Does anyone understand Donald Trump’s game plan? More quotes from Melania Trump later.

Lunatic country run by hate preacher has terminated a nuclear deal with Iran.

The financial crisis was the moment when it became clear economic experts were like weather forecasters who’s main source was the window.

Iran has just decertified Donald Trump.

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