Neymar to PSG jokes and politics jokes

Topical jokes as Neymar insists he did not leave Barca for £200m for the money and the Tories reveal plan to set up their own Glastonbury. 

neymar

Give Tony Blair credit for one thing – confusing the dumbass Tories into thinking Blairism was a season ticket into 10 Downing.

Anyone who thinks Venezuela is going to impact on Corbyn is pretty carackers.

I had no idea big Jeremy Corbyn was beating up Venezuelans. Where does the absolute boy find the time?

La Liga rejects PSG £198m payment because they can’t afford the processing fee.

Prince Philip says he has retired but I can see him turning up at the Notting Hill carnival on horseback waving the Confederate flag.

Am well confused now apparently Neymar’s lawyers are now trying to buy Neymar.

Football has basically just become real-life Only Fools and Horses. Anyone need 60 Latvian Neymars?

So basically the DUP can afford to buy five Neymars.

PSG insist Neymar move is fully costed as they announce new season ticket will cost £1 million.

If Harry Redknapp had just signed Neymar for £190m he’d still be saying he needs another three or four more.

Looking forward to Neymar starting his career at PSG by saying how happy he is to be at Chelsea.

PSG deny they are short of cash for the Neymar deal as they set up a lemonade stand in Tower Hamlets.

Think Qatar will get round FFP by shelling out another £200m in watches and free holidays.

Yes Neymar is not at all motivated by money, he’s obviously there to enjoy Parisien pastry techniques.

Qatar confident its PSG Neymar deal will pass FFP after signing £200m sponsorship deal with Qatar-based hairdressing salon.

Stan Kroenke’s new bloodsports channel has this sick footage of middle-class north Londoners chasing a Frenchman with crossbows.

Kevin Myers says his career in journalism is over. Kev, I don’t think it ever started.

Amber Rudd sounds like constipation medication.

Whats App to show live football, but only games that are end to end.

Amber Rudd there, looking to swap end-to-end encryption for end-to-end BS…about encryption.

British Gas prices must be due to Brexit because they have never ever gone up before.

Tony Blair denies being concerned about being prosecuted for war crimes, in a statement given at the Ecuadorean Embassy.

Davy Boy Davis demands all Brexit negotiations be conducted with the Countdown conundrum music.

There is no trappist silence from the media on western human rights abuses. They openly support and encourage them.

Man Utd to be sponsored by Tinder – which is in fairness what most fans are on during the games.

Man U’s new shirt sponsor is Tinder – where you swipes faces and hook up with folk you barely know. Sounds like Mourinho’s transfer strategy.

Prince Philip has LBC show written all over him.

Tory Glastonbury announces Katie Hopkins for the Othering stage.

The Tory Glastonbury already in trouble as V festival sues for copyright.

The Tory Glastonbury will feature the David Davis stage where folk will stab themselves in the face and then insist it’s good for Britain.

The Tory Glastonbury will just be load of wankers in a field listening to Ed Sheehan and asinine indie mus- Oh.

Wenger says the Neymar deal is beyond rational – although it wasn’t as crazy as the Arsene Wenger deal.

Arsene Wenger admits he tried to buy Neymar but said the transfer stalled because Barca wouldn’t accept collect calls.

Mark Zuckerburg is no longer an atheist as he now believes he is God.

Right now Amir Khan is screaming ‘let me at ’em’ while his uncle holds him back with his pinkie.

 

Davy Boy Davis demands all Brexit negotiations be conducted with the Countdown conundrum music.

There is no trappist silence from the media on western human rights abuses. They openly support and encourage them.

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