Topical jokes: Chlorinated chicken, Brexit and puns

Topical jokes in the week that chlorinated chicken imports from the US dominated the headlines. 

chicken

Tony Pulis names new assistant as Gary Megson after being turned down by a pint of wine.

Worst thing for Earth is humans. So anyone striving to get rid of humans must really be an environmentalist. More from Donald Trump later.

Guy found with a load of religious items nicked from a church charged with handling stolen Gods.

Turkish empire gave financial news in Ottoman statements.

Brad Pitt says life isn’t a movie as he reveals plan to woo back his missus by turning up at an airport at the last minute.

Good to see Angelina Jolie fiercely protecting her privacy on the front cover of a shite magazine.

An entire week of ghoulish Diana voyeurism by folk who have the nerve to then sneer at the Express for writing Diana stories every day.

That Discovery show really should’ve been called Michael Phelps goes for a swim by himself.

In fairness Mike Ashley’s entire business is essentially banter.

Jose Mourinho says the transfer market is crazy, which is like Tony Blair complaining about Middle East instability.

Could human beings make AI dangerous. For fucks sake we have found ways to make eating chicken dangerous.

Liam Fox points out that you need the chlorine in chicken to remove the taste of faeces.

Nice of wee Tony Robinson to use Twitter to show that the whole Blackadder thing wasn’t acting.

Jeremy Corbyn says he plans to demand tariff-free access to the Labour Party stationery cupboard.

Elon Musk says Mark Zuckerberg doesn’t understand AI. In fairness Mark Zuckerberg doesn’t understand Facebook.

Liam Fox’s new food range includes lactic acid pork. It melts your mouth.

Of course the Tories don’t mind chlorinated chicken – they fed their kids mad cow disease on the telly.

Terrorist attack at L’Oreal – it was a terrible massacre-a.

Labour will betray students, says party who’s sole spell in government was remembered for how they betrayed students.

The debate on Brexit now reduced to JUST EAT THE FUCKING CHICKEN.

Liam Fox gets new food trade idea after going on Vinnie Jones’s Twitter.

Chlorinated chicken is a master stroke.

Chlorinated chickens the latest gift from the Tories. Pooled chicken anyone?

Big John Inverdale comes out against the female doctor – at his local GP.

BBC announce a commission to review gender pay gap to be headed up by Super John Inverdale.

Looking forward to the next Doctor Who trans mission.

Boots needs to an invent a pill for people who recklessly endanger their future by having a Boots sandwich.

Boris Johnson’s so stupid he thinks Robbie Fowler is an EastEnders character.

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