Dr Who jokes and BBC star salary jokes

Topical jokes as Dr Who becomes female, the BBC releases its salaries and the EasyJet CEO goes to ITV. 


Andrea Loathsome is one of our greatest living tools.

How exactly can someone on fatcat pay be then put on to stories about fat cat pay?

Democrats bemoan email hacking – unless of course it’s the American government doing it.

Couple more payrises and Alan Shearer will be able to buy the DUP.

For 500k, I want Alan Shearer doing the Stutter Rap in a shark tank at the end of every Match of the Day.

BBC warns a salary cap would mean Match of the Day without football pundits. Or as it is also known, heaven.

Alan Shearer gets 500 fucking k. So the BBC overpay a man who’s been vastly overpaid his entire life.

Theresa May defends public sector pay, pointing out that one nurse in the UK is actually on 400k.

Casualty was outdated tosh on the first day it aired. Kudos anyone who’s a millionaire off that.

Next time you accuse Muslim societies of not being rational, look up how much the taxpayer gives Charlie off Casualty.

The question ‘why is Charlie still on Casualty?’, answered.

Next Casualty episode involves members of Casualty staff having heart attacks when they learn how much Charlie gets.

Stop paying BBC stars so much money, say people who’s entire leisure time is spent obsessing about celebrities.

Davy Davis, the absolute tool, doesn’t need notes as he just has a pic saying ‘do not believe his lies’ like the dude in Memento.

Government plan to reduce smoking. You’d think saying this shit will kill you on the front of every packet would’ve worked.

I love how these grey clueless Eurocrats are now being framed as einsteinian geniuses with black belts in kickass.

I wonder what the odds are on Anthony Lynton Charles Blair one day leading the Conservative Party.

McCall goes to ITV

Back in the day, Jane Austen’s withering portraits of Middle England were seen as inflammatory. In fact in the Telegraph they still are.

If I told my mum that I was wanted for sexual assault and treason, her reaction wouldn’t have been to get me in the Ecuadorian embassy.

I can’t wait till Dr Who is played by an endangered hedgehog.

What we knew before: The Trumps wanted any dirt on Clinton. What we know now: The Trumps wanted any dirt on Clinton.

Philip Hammond’s claims that the public sector is paid more unravel when his first example is Graham Norton.

As long as they don’t make Bergerac a woman I’m fine with everything.

People don’t realise Dr Who vs Love Island isn’t a ratings battle – it’s an idea for a show.

Carolyn McCall won the ITV role by suggesting bringing back The Bill but with a CGI Loch Ness monster.

I was going to say Carolyn McCall is going to make ITV the EasyJet of telly but they already are.

Something quite sickmaking about a rich person getting a massive pay rise being filed under ‘great win for equality’.

Carolyn McCall will hit it out of the park for equality by giving Piers Morgan a huge pay rise.

Carolyn McCall goes from running a useful service that’s painful to a useless service that’s painful.

So the leader of our Brexit negotiations cannot even win a debate on what trousers she should wear.

Female leads in Dr Who and Ghostbusters now. Great to see equality thriving in the world of make-believe.

Anthony Weiner misses out on Doctor Who despite his extensive phonebox experience.

Jeremy Corbyn only talks to those who agree with him – which is getting closer and closer to half the country.

If they go for a female bond then I do hope he is renamed Janice.

Calm down everyone – it will still be some twat flying around in a phone box spouting dialogue written by ex Holby staffers.

Dr Who

Peter Davidson remains my favourite Dr Who. The only man who dared to play a legendary sci fi character as a retired tennis coach.

The ambition of new Dr Who withered some time ago. In five years the part will be a job share between Danny Dyer and Charlie off Casualty.

That Kurt Zouma transfer in full. 6 year contract with Chelsea. On loan at Stoke. Who have actually subcontracted him out to M&S Food.

Welcome to Tower Hamlets: The Home of Compliant Lemonade Sales.

Tower Hamlets refuse to order investigation into culture of its department in what I’m calling a lemonade stall.

So basically some folk at Towr Hamlets fancied replicating The Untouchables but decided to pick on a five-year-old.

As we speak, Leavers and Remainers desperately trying to leverage non-regulated lemonade sales by minors.

This week Tower Hamlets council will be mainly fining toddlers playing cops’n’robbers for impersonating police officers.

So flammable cladding gets through council checks but not lemonade stalls run by children.

Council fining a girl for selling lemonade should be investigated and someone senior exposed/sacked.

How exactly can someone on fatcat pay be then put on to stories about fat cat pay?

Yesterday a branch of the overpaid professional class was floundering about trying to justify their insane salaries. No bad thing.

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