Topical jokes: Leigh Griffiths, Anne Marie Morris and Theresa May

Topical jokes in the week that Celtic’s Leigh Griffiths got booked for dodging missiles while a Tory MP is caught out using the N word. Tony Blair also returns to do some more Corbyn baiting. 

leigh griffiths

Bad enough that Tony Blair still gets a platform but he gets it unchallenged. The media at its most North Korean.

Tony Blair should lose his Labour membership. Fuck it that war criminal should lose his nectar card.

One thing I’ll give Tony Blair is that he’s absolutely brilliant for reminding everyone what an utter dick Tony Blair was.

Boris Johnson is so stupid he thinks The Big Short is something to do with Bermuda.

Theresa May blubbed after being humiliated by Jeremy Corbyn. She cheered herself up by watching Misery with a bowl of boiled lettuce.

Horror in Northern Ireland football tonight. Authorities to immediately investigate why fan missile missed Leigh Griffiths.

If Leigh Griffiths had got hit by a bottle he’d have been sent off for criminal damage.

Objects thrown at Leigh Griffiths have been recovered by police and are now being returned to various Linfield supporters.

I’ll take the media’s concerns with abuse seriously when the main guest to discuss it as one Paul Dacre.

I have made it my life’s work to ensure Kirstie Allsop never appears in my living room.

Jailing folk for saying someone should get run over is going to put 74% of football fans behind bars.

Super Theresa May is down to two soundbites for next election. ‘Cool and funky’ or ‘tartan sexwitch and strong’.

Corbyn’s genius idea

Theresa May trying to woo Labour after two years of calling them terrorists. Christ don’t let her near the Taliban.

The Tories will soon be electoral woodpile.

Critics slating Jeremy Corbyn for providing no opposition were actually angry about the fact that he was.

History will show Jeremy Corbyn stumbled upon a genius, never-before-heard-of strategy to unseat the Tories. They called it, Opposition.

Seeing Anne Marie Morris’s comments tells me Labour should budget for a significant Rentokill requirement.

Any fears over the Tory majority falling if Anne Marie Morris is sacked negated by the fact that she’s just right for the DUP.

Theresa May’s relaunch the biggest PR non event since they tried to rebrand Bubonic Plague as good for weight loss.

Tories deny they should’ve suspected Anne Marie Morris of being wildly out of touch as it emerges she commuted to work in a horse and cart.

Someone tell Anne Marie Morris that the only things that come out of the woodwork are racist Tories.

Panicking Anne Marie Morris claims she simply misremembered some famous UB40 lyrics.

In fairness Stormzy is just about the only person Mourinho didn’t bid for before he signed Lukaku.

The Irish Evening Herald desperately trying to scrap its Romelu Lukaku grime feature.

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