Topical jokes: Queen’s speech and Theresa May

Topical jokes as the Tories efforts to form a government look increasingly unconvincing. 

queen

Theresa May set to face stalking horse leadership challenge – an actual bloody horse would be an improvement.

I’m not saying the Grenfell response has been chaotic, but Lily Allen seems to be in charge of the casualty figures.

They won’t have sprinklers for tower blocks but they’ve got water when they need to drown out protests.

The Tories are abnormal. Put most of them in bars, football grounds, festivals or streets and they’d look as happy as the aliens off V.

Theresa May runs into car as folk scream abuse. More from the 1922 committee later.

At this rate the Queen’s Speech will be Liz asking folk what they think about new Twin Peaks.

Theresa May keeps running in and out of the Grenfell site. It’s not It’s A Knockout, Theresa.

We should definitely requisition property. I mean we let a squatter into Downing Street after all.

We’ve found someone who managed to escape the Grenfell Tower site very very quickly. Let’s talk to a Mrs Theresa May.

How is it that our PM visits the site of one of the worst fires in Europe and she’s ended up looking the most scared.

Business should exploit Brexit, says man who’s never had a job.

I don’t trust Theresa May to lead the goatskin parchment negotiations.

I honestly don’t want to know what ‘mummy’ did at the Norman Bates Society tonight. (aka the 1922 committee)

Theresa May said she needed our votes to lead a set of complex, challenging negotiations. She just didn’t say it was with the 1922 committee

Jeremy Corbyn should write his Queen’s Speech on ordinary paper and tell the Establishment to stick their goatskin up their cakeholes.

The DUP demands orange goatskin ‘and a shedload of lazyboys’.

Theresa May strolls into Brexit negotiations with the 27 asking if she’s feeling strong and if she has spare goatskin while hollering.

There’s no magic money tree Theresa May told a nurse. But there is a magic-keep-yer-job-when-you-epically-fuck-up-tree.

Michael Gove pushed for global warming to be removed from the curriculum while others pushed for it to be removed from the atmosphere.

Theresa May will sort out the #goatskin paper as soon as she’s dipped the Quill of Innocence into the blood of a virgin princess.

Roy Scheider: “We’re gonna need a bigger goat.” #goatgate

Corbyn Miracle the most epic humiliation of the establishment since Galileo.

I’m hearing Big Sam Allardicci is being readied to take over at the Tory Party. He’s already said his priority is survival. Maybe the Tories want to restart the Troubles to make their Corbyn IRA Facebook ads more effective.

Michael Fallon for Tory leader – with his deputy to be Sergent Barnes off Platoon no doubt.

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