General Election jokes: Theresa’s trumped by comeback Corbyn

Topical jokes as the mother of all election upsets leaves the media eating lots of humble pie – although that doesn’t stop Isabel Oakeshott calling Labour unelectable on Question Time. 

jeremy corbyn

I would never sidle up to a bunch of extremists totally out of touch but it’s the DUP’s choice I guess.

New Labour MPs desperate to tap into the Corbyn effect forced to cancel their launch event, ‘PFI karaoke’.

Hey Rupert Murdoch, yer criminal bigoted hate merchant. We’re putting Theresa May in the fucking bin.

Tories agree a confidence and supply deal with DUP. Now just to find someone who can supply some confidence to the PM.

Watching Labour MPs trying to sound like Corbynistas is politics answer to dad dancing.

Well after that Craig Gordon performance I think he is a shoe in for the World Cup – if he has an English grandparent.

Media: How did we get it so wrong? Let’s interview the media.

Damaged leader with no support in party written off day after damaged leader with no support gets 40% vote share.

Isabel Oakeshott is a propaganda system with a face.

Talking about reputations that won’t recover can someone get Tom Watson his Uber?

If Isabel Oakeshott becomes the next Terminator villain there’ll be no need for special effects.

Theresa May’s memoirs to be called From Hard Brexit to Hard Buckfast.

We’ve been DUPed by Theresa.

Theresa May has just Kevin Keegan’d the shit out of British politics.

Nick Clegg is a human emoji.

Ben Gummer loses, the Tory manifesto writer. I guess maybe all that BSE beef his dad fed him didn’t help eh?

Nick Clegg to go on loan to the Evening Standard.

Recount for Rudd. If she squeaks back in is that a re-cunt?

The lead up

Try and distract Tory voters on their way to the polls with foxes or blocks of ivory.

Super Boris Johnson asked to stop reporting ballot boxes as suspicious packages.

Tories may soon start resorting to Dick Dastardly style sign switching to keep turnout down.

Boris Johnson dispatched to hand out ganj as turnout levels soar.

Young people do get out to vote – next time Theresa May will probably try and charge you £20 to do it.

Breaking News: Theresa May spoils ballot after ‘cup-a-soup’ incident.

Jess Phillips pleads with young people to vote – in the next Labour leadership election.

Does America get to know first, like Dallas?

Theresa May wants to scrap human rights to fight terror. That sounds more like giving up to terror.

I remember a simpler time when Liz Kendall wanted to lead Labour on a ticket of giving all our money to Nato.

Theresa May wants to rip up the Human Rights Act – that’s a pretty weird way to fight fascist loons.

Controlling Tory press officers won’t hand mike to journalists – or Boris Johnson.

Logan’s Run will definitely be remade – just not sure if it will be as a film or in the news.

We are the best party for old people, says Theresa May at the launch of the Logan’s Run remake.

I know Boris speaks Latin, but not sure that’s an excuse for spending the entire election acting like you’re at a fraternity toga party.

Labour should respond to these Diane Abbott attacks with Boris Johnson *is* your Foreign Secretary.

I’d like to think big Sam Allardicci would say that right now Liam Gallagher is outleadershipping Theresa May.

You’d expect the Prime Minister to embody the fight back. Instead it’s a dude who stole lawnmowers to buy ganj.

Hey Islamic nutters why can’t you just be like the white nutters and go on Question Time to demand nuclear war?

Theresa May has suspended plans to not meet anyone or be seen anywhere.

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