Topical jokes: George Osborne, Article 50 and politics

Topical jokes in the week that George Osborne amasses more jobs than the whole of north Wales. Article 50 is triggered and the world reacts to another ‘terrorist’ incident. 

jokes

Police and spies can’t be expected to follow everyone but they do have time to spend years doing epic bigamy in Greenpeace.

Soft left buffoon Weak Sadiq says London Is Open – especially if you’re a marketing agency seeking to rinse the public sector.

We can’t monitor everyone all the time, says man who’s job it is to monitor everyone all the time.

Britain 2017: It’s somebody’s job to find pictures of dead people for the former Chancellor of the Exchequer.

Weird to think we can pretty much shut down Isis by building more bollards.

George Osborne has just asked if you can be an MP in more than one seat.

George Osborne’s first fair and balanced editorial to focus on why the best MPs often have six other jobs.

Nice of Tommy Robinson to remind us that extremist lunacy can be found in all cultures.

People who say young footballers are paid too much forget that in the days when they were paid crap wages they were also rubbish.

We will never pollute the Thames again, says new Thames Water CEO Montgomery Burns.

People who think governments that focus on patriotism and flagwaving is what we need should google ‘North Korea’.

430-million-year old fossil to continue to present BBC Question Time.

Trucker arrested for making a salad on the motorway. The police have made a number of Caesars.

The only folk who talk about Hitler more than Ken Livingstone are the ones constantly slagging off Ken Livingstone for talking about Hitler.

EU say they will deal with Theresa May’s application to leave Europe after they’ve dealt with Man City’s.

I think London should take back control, with immediate restrictions on anyone entering from the Home Counties.

Attention Remainers: Barista is not a group noun for Polish folk.

Remainers will mark Article 50 trigger by mournfully ordering cappuccinos to Thom Yorke’s No Surprises.

National celebrations to mark triggering of Article 50 to include Nigel Farage and Theresa May recreating Dancin’ in the Street.

You know you’re fucked when your elite’s response to any crisis is ‘reactivate Gordon Brown’.

Super Boris Johnson pays tribute to Chuck Berry, saying it will be a huge blow to all EastEnders fans.

BBC deny bias issues as Andrew Marr uncontrollably sobs when Tony Blair rules out a return to politics.

Tony Blair unveiled as the new James Bond villain.

Ironic that all these racist old folk that want to leave the EU have essentially voted to turn their care homes into incinerators.

It’ll turn out that Bradley Wiggins risked his entire reputation because he doesn’t want to admit he ordered some Embrace albums.

Nobody goes out to injure another footballer – well nobody apart from Roy Keane.

Ireland demand huge extra punishments for vicious tackles, such as the 309 carried out by their assistant manager.

That London attacker had nearly as many names as Tommy Robinson.

Voting for the Libdems is like having a MySpace page.

MySpace only has one profile left on it – Rupert Murdoch.

Gordon Strachan’s destroyed Scottish football – that’s a decent effort considering it was destroyed when he took over.

Gordon Strachan and Mark McGhee unable to manage Scotland because they cannot stop laughing about the fact they still have jobs.

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