Arsenal consider sending Arsene Wenger sternly worded email
The Arsenal board are in emergency discussions about whether to politely ask Arsene Wenger if the team might be a bit rubbish.
Newsfox can exclusively reveal the club’s leadership are starting to worry that Arsene Wenger’s belief that ‘poorly made imported pasta’ is undermining the club’s title push may be false.
A source inside the Emirates told Newsfox: “We will not tolerate this kind of performance and we are seriously thinking about sending an email, as soon as Mr Wenger has told us what his email address actually is.
“This is a huge decision and we want to get it right. We have had a great selection of emails come through and now it’s a matter of drilling down to one candidate that will get the desired effect.
He added: “We need an email that is going to take us forward in the way that all the fans want. It is going to say really controversial things, like ‘is there any chance we can stop being rubbish soon?’ and ‘can it really be the grass’s fault?’
“Of course we understand Arsene is a visionary philosopher king so it is probably just us being stupid again. And by the way this black eye was from me walking into a door.”
Wenger himself warned the board against impetuous decisions.
He said: “You cannot just write an email and make everything better. Emails can have very dangerous impacts, that’s the kind of thing that wiped out the dinosaurs, as well as Neil Shipperley.
“Instead of worrying about these emails we urgently need a list of new excuses as to why we did not sign anyone in 2027 transfer window. People ask why we never sign anyone but the fact is it takes so long to write these excuses, I don’t have time for anything else.”
He added: “You cannot just write emails and think you have made everything better. The email could cause a catastrophic reaction and perhaps make me kick a couch.
“I have been loyally accepting a massive paycheck despite not actually doing anything good for many many years now. I will not accept these stern emails nor will I be entered into the Priory’s new Tactics rehabilitation unit.”