Topical jokes: George Osborne, Prince William and Arron Banks
Topical jokes as George Osborne gets his sixth job, Prince William is on the piss again and UKIP backer Arron Banks is setting up another party.
In addition to editing, MP-ing and advising, George Osborne will continue to spend 7 hours a day in the bathroom pretending to be the PM.
George Osborne, a man who is now moonlighting from his other moonlighting jobs.
I just don’t where Laura Kuenssberg ends and Mark McGhee begins.
George Osborne is also headlining Reading Festival and presenting an eight-part documentary on the BBC about George Osborne.
Ed Sheeran ain’t cool enough to go to Glastonbury, never mind headline.
Prince William told drunkenly recreating Baywatch rescue scenes with his mates does not count towards his royal jobs.
Donald Trump claims UK spies tapped him. I guess Theresa May’s Operation Suckup not going to plan.
If we want to starting taking action against super-rich Russians, perhaps we can start with the one running the Evening Standard?
People ask what is George Osborne’s qualification to be a newspaper editor. Well, he’s very good at sucking up to Tories.
Will there be an official ceremony for the triggering of Article 50? Nigel Farage racing a big bit of cheese down a hill?
I thought they’d made a live action version of Spitting Image for the first five minutes of the US presidential debates.
Super Donald Trump is one of those lucky people who’d look better after a nuclear war.
Tories fined £70,000 for election fraud. “It’s no big deal,” says Tory leader Donald Trump.
Give Prince William a break he was just on holiday from his job of going on holidays with free money from poor folk.
If the logic of the Royals doing armed service is to make them humble then why not send them to Sports Direct?
Prince William holiday stories are confusing BECAUSE HE IS ALWAYS ON FUCKING HOLIDAY.
Man flu is just guys finding an excuse to rewatch pop stars the rivals.
The kitchen of the future will include a Jamie Oliver hologram that tells you your cooking is so bad you may as well poison the kids direct.
The Jump needs a new cast – about 50 of them made from fibre glass.
Who knew that guy accepting an offer of Â£3 on Deal Or No Deal would be such a great metaphor for our economy?
What has Theresa May got in common with Samsung? Both selling something likely to explode.
Boris Johnson’s idea of an achievement is to go more than 5 seconds without slagging off Scotland or Liverpool.
Arron Banks to set up new version of UKIP. Unfortunately he’s been beaten to that by Theresa May.
New US health policy should surely be dubbed TrumpDoesntCare.
Samsung could make mineral water explode.
Unstable Korean regime thought ready to blow things up at random announces plan for new Galaxy S8 smartphone.
Indyref is back
Take back control? Racist rock dwellers ain’t even *maintaining* control they had.
With indyref2, cue the Benny Hill music as racist Tezza fuels nationalism one minute and then warns against it the very next.
I cannot believe Jeremy Corbyn isn’t raging against indyref2 because it worked so well for Labour last time.
Arsene Wenger hates Sky games because of a sense of Henry.
Tory electoral strategy intended to appeal primarily to low-income groups while their policies designed to eviscerate them.#marr #Peston
Confusion at the Emirates as Arsene Wenger insists he can win a snap election.
Tesco boss thinks there aren’t any white men in boardrooms probably because they’ve been mislabelled as black.
I suppose when Stephen Hawking starts slating you, it’s fair to say everything’s gone wrong.