Topical jokes: Hawking hammers Corbyn and PSG lose game of the century

Topical jokes in the week that Stephen Hawking slates Jeremy Corbyn and PSG ship six goals to Barca.

jeremy corbyn

While Corbyn is told to stop using media as an excuse, how many decades do we think Labour will use Corbyn as an excuse?

Guardiola denies he spent the last 20 minutes of the Stoke game watching Barca on his iPhone.

Luis Enrique leaving after greatest result ever while the Arsenal board consider sending ‘stern email’ over shipping ten.

Are PSG managed by fucking Willie Thorne?

A lot of journalists currently trying to get Google to delete their Luis Enrique hit blogs.

The mad sheikhs spending billions for humiliating euro defeats and nil nils with Stoke.

The growing inevitability of a country and western Jeremy Corbyn diss track produced by George Galloway.

Concern at Labour HQ as Jeremy Corbyn asks if it is politically incorrect to throw tomatoes at Stephen Hawking.

Stephen Hawking may be a bright chap but he should forget Labour and focus on less complicated stuff like explaining the galaxy.

Melanie Phillips is currently in a pub saying ‘how is Andy Townsend Irish?’

Shakespeare’s in at Leicester which is a bard decision for me.

Melanie Phillips’s column next week will be asking whether leprechauns should get disability.

Big Stephen Hawking has spent years trying to make sense of vast dark vacuums, such as the Labour Party.

Ireland’s tenuous claims to nationhood are more convincing that Melanie Philips’s tenuous claims to sanity.

Donald Trump’s travel ban on Muslims is now just a few court actions away from being an aggressive staring directive.

Jeremy Corbyn’s tax return comes under scrutiny after he forgets to declare free turnip from Spitalfields farm.

Once Philip Hammond has dealt with the huge issue of unsubscribing from Netflix he plans to tackle the quality of free Waitrose coffee.

Big Paul Nuttall says he is the victim of a despicable smear campaign orchestrated by the UKIP website manager.

Donald Trump passes on Tony Blair being a peace envoy after a late application from Super Paul Nuttall.

Tony Blair to become Donald Trump’s Middle East peace envoy with his HQ to be in the Lockheed-Martin campus.

Tony Blair is politics Alan Partridge. Battling in the twilight to re-reach the limelight. With added Toblerone.

I have visions of Tony Blair at the Iraq memorial wearing a Castro GTX bomber trying to get a second series.

Saddam Hussein would’ve been a more appropriate Iraq memorial guest than Tony Blair.

My God Blair was at the Iraq memorial unveil. He only went hoping to get a selfie with the Danish PM.

Tesco boss says white guys are an endangered species – as many are being hunted to be put in Tesco ready meals.

Slebs who flounce off social in a blaze of publicity should be sent to Guantanamo and forced to write 100 Facebook posts a day.

 

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