Topical jokes: Rod Stewart, Rory McIlroy and politics

Topical jokes as Rod Stewart stages a mock execution in a desert and Rory McIlroy plays golf with Donald Trump. 

rod stewart

Isis apologise after they issue video that appears to show an OAP gyrating while singing Maggie May.

Rod Stewart points out that at least he didn’t try to recreate Dancin’ in the Street.

Rod Stewart criticised after acting out the latest Labour #softcoup plan.

Rod Stewart there, re-enacting what folk do after watching Rod Stewart.

Donald Trump is like a badly conceived villain designed to boost ratings of a once great soap opera, known as politics.

0% interest rates and flatlining wages so Phillip Hammond addresses the key issue of fucktards who don’t know how to cancel Netflix.

Owen Smith announces plans for Richard Clayderman inspired charity single Walking In Brussels.

Some folk joined a party led by a eurosceptic leader and then left because the leader was eurosceptic. These folk also drink their own wee.

Problems for Super Steve Bannon as his iPhone keeps autocorrecting ‘further’ to fuhrer.

Leak suggests God plans to end human race either by meteor strike or by getting Ben Elton to write ‘Jamie Oliver: The Musical’.

Post Corbyn Labour’s first policy will be to criminalise the word ‘left’.

Pedro Mandelson once said he was a fighter and not a quitter. The opposite can be said of Guardian journalists.

Owen Jones now on the anti-Corbyn left – which must feel a bit like being Wayne Shaw’s job centre advisor.

Obama’s memoirs should be entitled ‘How To Go Viral on Those And Finally Bits of the News’.

“Three things needed to be US president:
– Believe in God
– Be married
– Play golf”

Rory McIIroy says sorry for playing golf with a world-famous sexist loon, but points out Tiger Woods has changed.

Well lefties you can listen to White Flag Jones or read this. It’s brilliant. https://t.co/9VqJIxlTnY

George Bush’s face when being told of 9/11 is probably how Guardian journalists reacted when Corbyn won.

I cannot believe George W Bush is trying to rehabilitate the Guardian.

Fair to say the dude who nicked a water bottle during the London riots suffered more than Phillip Green.

Mark McGhee says ‘get that tae fuck’ as someone waves his managerial CV at him.

In fairness to Rory McIlroy, if he only golfed with right-on liberals he’d only be able to play crazy golf with Diane Abbott.

Donald and Melania Trump look less real than CGI.

Rory McIlroy’s diary this week includes tennis with Geert Wilders and Boggle with Marine le Pen.

Rory McIlroy in trouble over his commitment to equality in society after it emerges he plays golf a lot.

Rory McIlroy says he is not endorsing Donald Trump just by playing golf with him (and constantly hitting his own balls out of bounds).

“Wayne Rooney playing football in China = bad telly. Wayne Rooney trying to find an offy in China = TV Gold.”

John McDonnell says dark arts being used against Jeremy Corbyn. Yes that and the Labour Party.

Hey Governments. Next time you think of giving PwC zillions in public contracts, bear in mind they don’t know how to stuff an envelope.

PwC apologise after they mixed up Oscars procedures with the plan for the next Labour leadership contest.

Labour Soft Coup involves rigging Jeremy Corbyn’s shitter to eight tonnes of semtex.

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