Piegate: Wayne Shaw jokes and Copeland jokes

Topical jokes as Wayne Shaw is sacked by Sutton over ‘piegate’, Labour lose the Copeland by-election and nobody understands why the SNP seems to care about the six o’clock news. 

Wayne Shaw

Wayne Shaw becomes the latest person sacked for something Rebekah Wade did.

Wayne Shaw has just sealed a move to Celebrity Love Island.

Well Wayne Shaw is not exactly the first footballer to be done for a Fray.

I reckon big Wayne Shaw’s just realised he could get a game for Man Shitty.

Surely the bet should have been on the fat bastert NOT eating a pie.

I wonder if you can now bet on Wayne Shaw spreading.

Big Wayne Shaw reminds us that it’s dangerous to lie with a sun bet.

Romance of the cup this week as FC Sun Bets lost at home to Arsenal.

I had no idea Ronaldo had moved to Sutton. Fitter than he used to be.

Wayne Shaw in trouble for eating a pie during a game. I preferred it when footballers ate ’em in between corners.

Wayne Shaw should be getting investigated by the NHS.

Sutton keeper investigated over eating a pie for a bet. Wait till they find out he also had a big stake.

Cannot cope

Peter Mandelson wasn’t even popular when New Labour were popular.

I bet you Paul Nuttall is regetting reading Grant Schapps’s books now.

The only disaster Paul Nuttall was definitely present at was UKIP’s Stoke by-election campaign.

Milo looks like an angry version of Dollar.

There is something quite hilarious about people living outside a nuclear power plant not caring about free healthcare.

Jeremy Corbyn needs to stop blaming the media, the Anti Fake News League say in a statement issued today.

Tories to secure Copeland at the general election by burning hospitals on Facebook Live.

Those who say Labour headed off a load of racist Hillsborough liars clearly missed the fact that the Tories won in Copeland.

It cannot be long before Owen Jones starts asking folk if they’re ostriches.

So where did Corbyn lose? Chernobyl fucking South or some shit?

People of Copeland seem unaware that Brexit undermines nuke safety. Then again folk up there would look better after a reactor accident.

Manager who took credit for freakish season of individual brilliance still in charge of Arsenal.

The BBC should present its Storm Doris reports with someone inside wearing a V neck having a nice cup of tea.

If Wayne Rooney goes to China then they’re going to make a film of it called Crocodile Dundee 3.

My God still no news on how many new hairstyles were ruined today.

John Major’s Back To Basics campaign where even the chief protagonist was having an affair. Oh you Tories.

Are the BBC currently going round Stoke and poking people to see if they are real?

Scottish news

In 20 years the Brits will be doling out lifetime achievement awards to folk who presented X Factor on ITV2 for a couple weeks.

Tony Mowbray: The only man who looks confused saying his own name.

Breaking: Man Locked Up And Tortured May Not Have Liked World That Much.

BBC deny faustian pact with SNP as new channel includes three-hour Miss World livecast presented by Big Alex Salmond.

BBC denies budget cuts at it emerges Scottish Newsnight will be presented by Taggart.

New BBC Scotland schedule to rename daft English shows. So Night Manager will be Posh Twat Walks Aboot.

I’d have a lot more time for the SNP if they were campaigning for a Scottish version of The Simpsons.

If I started watching the Six O’Clock News, I’d feel obliged to dust down my VHS and spend the evening at Laserquest.

Never mind a Scottish version of the 6 o’clock news, could we just have a good version of it with journalism?

Klopp’s ‘gegenpress’ is basically school football on steroids.

Arsene Wenger now just months away from awkwardly fronting Ladbrokes ads with Chris Kamara.

You just know know in 20 years Uber will be renamed The Ambulance Service.

Brad Pitt smiles broadly as his staff inform him that his ex is on telly showing the kids how to safely dispose of scorpions.

George Bush didn’t know how to leave a press conference let alone conduct one.

Donald Trump’s continual demands for Mars updates sparks fears that the President’s main source of news is Total Recall.

Demented alt right figure that just goes around trolling everyone has now made controversial child abuse comments. Oh Boris…

Donald Trump Sweden incident turns out to be the fact that Trump’s advisers were forced to ‘prove’ that Sweden wasn’t in Middle Earth.

Yes, people. Donald Trump has once again forgotten that nudity is prohibited in IKEA.

Viagogo: Where all profits go toward prolonging a cancer.

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