Twenty eight jokes about Donald Trump winning the US presidential election

Topical jokes as thing that could not possibly happened, happened. Again.

donald trump

2016: Democrats say radical solutions needed, total rethink. 2020: Chelsea Clinton runs on Democrat ticket.

America, you have the future prospects of a baddie in a Die Hard movie.

Angry sexist dudes stopped Hillary winning – I think it’s unfair to blame Bill Clinton and Anthony Weiner.

Dangerous buffoon who appears to be able to say anything without accountability is still the British Foreign Secretary.

Donald Trump wanted Hillary Clinton jailed. Now the rest of the world does.

Trump’s wall plan will come unstuck when McDonalds sues for not being allowed to build a restaurant there.

Doubtless Labour MPs think Hillary lost for being too left wing.

Downfall style scenes at Hillary HQ as she insists the election can still be won ‘if we promise to build a huge wall’.

First meeting between Boris Johnson and Donald Trump to be held in a ball pit at a children’s play centre.

Fair play Donald Trump. You fought with everything you had to try and get Hillary Clinton into the White House.

Merkel has confidence to criticise Trump. Begging-bowl Brexit Britain nervously smiles and mentions its expertise with walls.

Guardian says Donald Trump will make the planet ‘less safe’. They got more angry about Dapper Laughs.

Gun control supporters say humans cannot be trusted with these weapons. But nuclear weapons are fine apparently.

Hillary Clinton is blatantly going to spend the rest of her life trying to kill Julian Assange.

Hillary’s campaign was so bad she may as well have taglined it ‘born to rule’.

How long before Donald Trump’s deportation-tastic wallocracy becomes known as the ‘centre ground’?

Next time liberals brand Muslims as uncivilised fanatics who threaten our way of life, point out who the president of the United States is.

One candidate under FBI investigation, the other may be a pervert. Heavyweight boxing more respectable.

One of the problems with the establishment is that they still don’t really believe there is such a thing as the establishment.

Perhaps next year we can have a two minutes with silence to mark Donald Trump becoming President.

History is made as America elects a president who doesn’t know where France is. Anyway I’m done with tweeting about George W Bush.

How many Ivy League degrees does it take to change a sexpest racist US President?

Last world chaos sequence sparked by shooting of an arch duke. Next one will have been sparked by some guy at NBC OK’ing The Apprentice.

Look Trump puts bums on seats – although that’s mainly women trying to avoid being groped.

Racists don’t like minorities. We need to realise it is those cunts who are the minority.

Those folk who are down about Trump clearly haven’t experienced Gordon Strachan’s leadership.

I bet you Obama and Michelle leave loads of whopee cushions around the White House. Four years of The Donald accidentally farting.

The US election campaign was Trump’s ‘burn the establishment’ versus Hillary’s ‘I’ve passed loads of exams’.

Anthony Weiner. No man has ever shown such determination to ensure everyone knows about his sexting.

Anthony Weiner’s next plan will be to ask his missus if she fancies re-enacting their therapy in a Broadway live show.

Huma Abedin must be the world beer goggles champion or some shit like that.

Asking Yvette Cooper to analyse this shitstorm is nearly as stupid as putting Donald Trump in charge of nukes.

Give it ten years and you’ll have to have a poppy surgically attached to yer face if you want to appear on telly.

BBC laughs off claims it is sucking up to Cliff Richard at a press conference confirming its new DG will be Cliff Richard.

Dan Hodges probably thought the Internet wouldn’t take off ‘because everyone will use mini discs’.

India the latest who get to laugh at Tories Independent Traders. Expect May to return with a load of ‘I love Bombay’ T-shirts.

India welcomes Theresa May with a gift of 100 handmade begging bowls.

PM of country run by corrupt chieftains who govern on the basis of superstition and myth to visit India.

Labour’s response to Trump is to turn off the telly and ban more voters from joining.

All I can say about this Toblerone debate is that it is very three-sided.

Fill those big gaps in newly shrunken Toblerone with squares from recently shrunk Yorkies.

Has Rick Moranis taken over the chocolate industry?

McDonald’s suing because it cannot open a restaurant. Thanks to its gruel, plenty folk cannot open their airways.

“Prince Racist pleads for privacy. Media response: “HARRY CONFIRMS HE HAS A NEW BIRD.””

Greatest chance of violence at Scotland England is both sets of fans trying to beat up their respective FAs.

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