Mel and Sue disaster: Bake Off jokes and politics jokes

Topical jokes on the Bake Off, David Cameron’s departure and lots more.

cakesGeorge Osborne pledges to ‘fight for the things he cares about’, pretty much every time he walks past a mirror.

The only northern powerhouse George Osborne is going to build is a 15-bed mansion in the Lake District.

PMQs must’ve started out as an ‘in joke’ and then everyone just forgot.

The only time you’d need a safe space at university is if Theresa May turns up.

Theresa May totally opposes ‘safe spaces’ in universities (in Baghdad).

Tony Blair says we should’ve gone into Syria, because  “while people would’ve still died we could’ve made a few bob.”

People Syria cannot be stopped without military intervention. The only thing that has kept it going this long is, er, military intervention.

Eastern Turkemenistan

At least the Chinese media have an excuse to be so deferential to China.

Big Jeremy Corbyn says he is totally confident of defending his new seat of Islington and Eastern Turkmenistan.

There you go UK. Man you voted in as PM is now not even an MP. This is the kind of churn you expect at Sports Direct.

Breaking News: Man breaks land speed record in attempt to cash in on track record of abject failure.

Check the last honours list if you want to know where David Cameron will be working.

‘I didn’t want to be a distraction,’ says David Cameron in a press conference attended by two dogs and a lost Japanese tourist.

David Cameron to continue to not be a distraction by going round the world talking at length for money.

It’s no surprise the Tories are into educational apartheid. They weren’t exactly huge critics of skin colour apartheid either.

Theresa May totally opposes ‘safe spaces’ in universities (in Baghdad).

Did Better Together refer to the UK or ‘Labour and the Tories’?

Campbell the nightmare

Saying ‘Vote SNP, get Tories’ will win Labour nada – be better saying ‘vote SNP, get David Hasselhoff round your house asking for rice’.

Question Time bookers defend putting on Alastair Campbell, saying he escapes into their dreams and demands it.

I first suspected Hillary Clinton was ill when I realised she’s starting to look like Marlon Brando.

Super Hillary Clinton should have to prove she is fit by winning an atlasphere race with Wolf.

Donald Trump questioned Obama’s birthplace – which is rich from someone who’s probably not real.

Donald Trump will turn the US economy into a giant version of The Apprentice where the winner gets a zero-hours contract with Walmart.

Lot of 6 Music interns have just been dispatched to buy grime. I’m thinking that bit in Brass Eye where Chris Morris asks for ‘Clarky Cat’.

BBC6 Music probably have no idea who the  Mercury Prize winner is.

Half baked

Great new recipe on the BBC website called an Audience Crumble.

Not sure what other inane Middle England pastimes the BBC can reversion into a TV talent contest. Racism maybe?

Mel and Sue to remain at the BBC and helm flagship documentary arguing Captain of the Titanic did nothing wrong.

Mel and Sue clearly the heroes our desperate times needed. Even Martin Luther King could not have resisted Channel 4.

Channel 4 say they tried to reassure Mel and Sue that the Bake Off would remain totally rubbish.

Dude at Channel 4 is just screaming ‘everything will be the same’ and ‘why is this happening’ while sobbing.

Mel and Sue will be on Amazon in six months trying to make cheesecakes on Mount Everest.

I’d have respected Mel and Sue if they’d quit once they’d realised they were making a show about idiots baking.

Will all these people banging on about the iphone just put a socket in it?

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