Strictly Come Off It: Ed Balls jokes and Rowling-Corbyn row

Topical jokes as Ed Balls appears on Strictly, JK Rowling slags off Corbyn and transfer deadline day passes.

dancingBalls is on Strictly? Look forward to big Gordon Brown strolling around in his kecks on Sleb Love Island.

Blairism: once remaking the world, now finishing last on a dance off.

If Balls wins this, Blairites will be claiming this is their road back to power.

Is Ed Balls being coached by John Leslie?

That Ed Balls opening is the sort of thing you see when Celtic score.

So turns out George Galloway was right on Iraq –  and right on reality shows.

Once again I expect Ed Balls to be undone by a late swing. By which I mean his partner is just going to knock him out.

Ed Balls on Strictly had me briefly thinking ITV wrestling was back on.

Ed Balls will be a strong contender – he’s already done mutiple backflips on the world stage.

God Ed Balls. If you’re that desperate to look like an idiot on the telly can I suggest a career in politics?

Colin Kaepernick now extends his protest to include Ed Balls being on Strictly.

Corbyn is a fantasist, says woman who writes about the Milky Bar kid flying about on a broom.

Let’s remake Harry Potter where he is forced to give up magic school to work for free in Poundland.

Harry Potter is actually more realistic than JK Rolling-in-it’s political commentary.

I’ve always thought people who cannot attend after work drinks are the ones getting an unfair advantage.

Jeremy Corbyn now FOURTH among people who can hum the theme to Howard’s Way.

Jeremy Corbyn says after work drinking is unfair to women. I think he must’ve forgotten the word ‘contests’.

Jeremy Corbyn says after work drinking unfair to women. Predictably the media round on him.

Jeremy Corbyn wants no-one left behind….in the office when everyone else is getting wasted.

Traingate latest. Jeremy Corbyn’s atttempt to gee up his PR team goes wrong as he describes their efforts as first class.

Owen Smith supporters buy Boots sandwiches.

Owen Smith supporters secretly think New Tricks is the best TV show in the past 20 years.

JK berates JC

Panicking Jeremy Corbyn says Britain will train 5000 new wizards in the first year of a Labour government.

The LabourWars has become some kind of East German thought experiment.

The LabourWars is basically V for Vendetta meets Ever Decreasing Circles.

JK Rolling-in-it points out how much Labour helped her. What, by making folk so depressed they just wanted to read children’s fiction?

Capitalism’s new gold standard for quality of life: ‘Is it better than living under Chairman Mao during the Cultural Revolution?’

Corbyn says he does not want to ban after work drinks, to the huge disappointment of Theresa May’s colleagues.

We must make the best of Brexit, says Theresa May with all the veracity of a World War One General.

Foo Fighters confirm Labour members are to be banned from their concerts.

Doctors strike. Bloody hell, even industrial disputes are being gentrified.

May and her bankster beau trying to look happy in Downing Street had all the warmth of Xmas dinner at Castle Grayskull.

Ministry of Brexit crosses out ‘roller coasters’ from its export suggestions list.

The British people don’t take risks. Well 52% of ’em voted to jump off a boat without a life raft.

Ministry of Brexit says 10,000 jobs could be created by running extreme sumo wrestling clubs in the City for quasi psychopathic bankers.

“Theresa May: ‘Brexit means Brexit’
Boris Johnson; ‘Right, I’ll trigger Article 50.””
Theresa May: “”Fuck you will.”””

Eddie Izzard running after his hat pretty much sums up Remain.

Bill Clinton and Anthony Weiner would be a reality show for the end times.

Desperate Dan Hodges is trapped in a Mrs Merton ‘let’s have a heated debate’ hyperloop.

Look forward to a blog by Ed Balls on how Odell Beckham ignored him at a party.

Breaking: Shock and anger as people who paid to go on scary ride get scared.

Makers of the iPod say their tax stance has the support of 3 MPs.

Maybe Odell Beckham did fancy Lena Dunham but then read her Twitter feed.

Odell Beckham was probably just wondering who the hell invited Adrian Mole.

Night Manager was basically James Bond for people who watch The Archers.

Noodles the most valuable commodity in US prisons. I’d joke about that but it would be so mean.

Super Donald Trump reaches out to minorities by pledging that those who don’t vote for him will be deported.

Deadline Day

Why would Huma Abedin stand by such a duplicitous idiot for so long? Hillary Clinton is very lucky.

You can say Twitter means fuck all if you like but a spoof account is currently running for President.

Arsene Wenger denies feeling under pressure as he fields a full strength side in the Johnson’s Paint.

Arsene Wenger has gone from visionary genius to Butters from South Park.

Big news from Scottish Deadline Day as Billy Smith joins Patrick Thistle as Head of Pies.

In the Premier League you just pay £30 million for everything – including sweets.

Value of transfers rising while skills of players appears to be decreasing.

Only job better paid than coke dealing is doing player ‘medicals’ on Deadline Day.

Premier League controversially enters B Teams into cup competition. Didn’t know the Europa League was on tonight.

Sounds like they should be calling it the Check-Your-In-It trophy.

Sam Allardyce is basically in charge of a payday loan operation.

David Luiz re-signs. So Roman Abramovich now using Chelsea simply to troll Gary Neville.

Jose Mourinho would have sent the entire class of 92 out on loan to Belgium with some faulty pay as you go phones.

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