Leicester City champions: Claudio Ranieri’s title winning diary
Claudio Ranieri reflects on the greatest sporting shock of all time.
Everywhere I go it is congratulations. ‘Well done, Claudio.” “What a wonderful achievement Claudio.” It’s all very nice but WHEN THE FUCK IS SOMEONE GOING TO OFFER ME A JOB THEN.
I have just masterminded the greatest sporting shock of all time. So people tell me. Yet here I wait by the phone and it is only to take the call from the guy that keeps getting my number mixed up with Dominos. I don’t even have the rumours.
Not even the rumours. I’d like to send home to my mother a fabricated story from the Daily Star saying I am going to Barca but not even that. Anyone would think that actually everybody still thinks I’m the idiot who lost to the Faroe Islands and this all has just been luck every week, but how could people think that this was all just luck?
They would have to be superrich crazed egomaniacs totally devoid from reality from places like Russia and Abu Dha-
Ah, now something makes sense.
It is vital that I thank the fans who helped Leicester City achieve this incredible feat this season. And I will do so, the next time I visit my friends at the Emirates Stadium.
I know English footballs fans are friendly, but to be help us so much by slagging off your own team so effectively and religiously was something truly joyous to behold. Thank you so much Arsenal fans, your spirit and commitment will never be forgotten in Leicester. Well really I mean your lack of spirit and commitment. Almost as bad as the players.
People ask me the formula for success at Leicester. It is very difficult to say this because, if I have to be totally honest, we are crap. Not just quite crap, really crap. I mean you should see us train. You can’t believe how bad we are.
So I just pick the same team and assume there is some kind of magic in the air of Leicester. I put the magic in a glass and gave it to my great friend Roy Hodgson – but he smiled in a strange way and then ran away as if I had the Ebay virus.
It can happen again
People will say that this dream cannot happen ever again. That this crazy event can’t be repeated. Well I disagree, I really do think Arsenal, Chelsea, Man City and Man Utd can be shite again for the next few seasons. Although they will probably still win the Premier League a few times. We in Leicester do not expect to win the title again or, to be honest, even a match. You won’t believe how shit we are.
Next season there will be no big names, apart from the chairman of course. We must stick to the plan which won us the Premier League, so the summer sex tour of Thailand is back on. The players are asking if we can do it on Periscope but I told them sexy submarine trips are out of the question. Unless we win Champs League.