GOP declare sanity the biggest public health concern facing America
Sensible decision making and logical thought remain a major threat to American values, the Republican party has claimed today.
Presidential frontrunner Donald Trump said levels of sanity remained ‘stubbornly high’, considering even Fox News was now considered a mainstream, moderate news channel.
He told Newsfox: “This is the single biggest problem to face us as we enter a period of great instability in the world.
“Reasoned people who think about what politicians say are only going to cause trouble and point out that everyone is poor and everything is really bad.”
He added: “Being sane is a luxury and it is deeply un-American. You got all these ‘saneys’ going around and telling people things that are not at all helpful. My friends in China and Russia totally agree with this.
“Productive economies do not run alongside sanity. You need people to go astonishingly deep into unsafe mines and die when they’re 39. That is vital for any civilised country.”
Republicans say progress has been made toward their goal of being completely insane by 2020, but claim that there has been ‘real complacency’ of late.
Republican party member Neil Buchhaer said: “There are growing numbers of people who think sharing wealth, helping the sick and realising that a great deal of economic policy has involved printing money for failing fat cats. This suggests that our land is still being toxified by reasoned people making balanced judgements based on available facts. This is worse than terrorism.”
Fellow party member Bud Wilder said: “I mean at least these terrorists are driven by motives that are almost so bewilderingly stupid you actually wonder what the point of our species actually is. And that is the kind of thing most Republicans relate to.
“A garden fully of beautiful virgins because you blew up a load of people sounds pretty reasonable to me and it is far more sensible than universal free healthcare”.
The Republicans are now creating an action plan to reduce sanity in America which will include schemes such as forcing children to watch the News from age 3.