Migrants celebrate EU deal which makes them even cheaper to employ
Tory genius David Cameron’s hard hitting EU reforms have sparked street parties across eastern Europe.
Panicking, red-faced buffoon Cameron proclaimed victory after days of tough negotiations with the EU in which he was supposed to return the British empire to its rightful state and have less decorators coming over from Warsaw.
But his plans to cut benefits to migrants has actually got eastern Europeans dancing in the streets.
Builder Tomasz Dzeveltowksi told Newsfox: “At first everybody was angry because we work very hard and we get paid less in benefits.
“But then we realised that we have been doing this for generations so what is the big deal? It was exactly the same in communism and you had as much chance of getting it changed.
He added: “But then my friend pointed out that in fact we are now even cheaper to employ for Governments. Once there are more economic problems, the British will be desperate to employ us because they won’t need to top up our wages.”
Thousands of Brits have complained they cannot get a job because migrants are prepared to work for far less and, in many cases, actually turn up to their jobs and do them half decently.
Czech nuclear physicist Grigor Reduccek said: “I think I might have invented time travel but the lady at the recruitment office said there was more money in packing novelty toilets for Amazon. I don’t know what a novelty toilet is, even though I pack them.”
“I hear people slagging off communism a lot but if it wasn’t for communism, we would not have the good humour required to work shit jobs for shit money so you lot can have everything almost free.”
Furious David Cameron insisted people had failed to understand his genius double bluff.
He said: “People hate the EU because of the migrants. By making the migrants cheaper to employ, we will show that freedom of movement benefits everyone – well anyone who owns property or buys a daily latte or is rich enough to leave their kids in a pub without a social worker coming round.
“But then of course Nigel Farage will turn up and shout ‘belugh!!!!!!!!’ and everyone will go back to claiming I’ve made a huge policy error. I wish I understood how he does it.”