England win again: Ashes jokes (mainly at Aussie’s expense)

cricket ballThe pitiful Aussies have been hammered – so  let’s laugh at them with these Ashes jokes (while you still can!).

Trott leaves

They’ve pulled the Ashes computer game. I suspect England’s tour DVD will be next.

Farcical Ashes game taken off sale. They’re just brazen about match fixing now.

A great way to combat stress is let a guy throw bricks at you at around 90mph.

By the time Australia have finished with England, one wonders what they’ll be using the pads for.

Top causes of stress in the UK:

1. Work

2. Love

3. Mitchell Johnson


Australia ask if Ashes 2013 can be football next time.

Roy Hodgson: “Don’t panic. The cricket lads are quite good.”

If England did lose the Ashes , they would regain title of richest country that’s not good at any sport (current holders: Australia).

Well we know the Aussies don’t like reverse swing. They’re not too good at reverse psychology either.

From the summer

David Warner’s biggest contribution to the Ashes was that attempted leg break on Joe Root.

Shane Watson has a leg before problem. David Warner just has a ‘legless before’ problem.

David Warne blamed lack of 4s in Ashes on management telling him to stay well within boundaries.

David Warner even had a bad time in hospital after being clean bowelled.

The key to England’s success is a production line of home grown talent in South Africa.

Australia can still return home with ashes if Philip Hughes bumps into any angry Australian cricket fans.

What have Australia got in common with cheap denim? Both come apart at the seem.

Australian batting is just one big choke.

What have Australia got in common with Dragons Den rejects? Both blame bad pitches.

What have Aussie batsman got in common with burglars? They both find it hard to stop nicking things.

Australia respond to their poor performance with spin – by sacking their public relations department.

What have Australian batters got in common with Lewis Hamilton? They both drive dangerously.

There has been some terrible decisions in this Ashes series. Mainly by the Australian middle order.

What have Australian tail-enders got in common with dodgy MPs? They’re both in their pads by lunch.

Imagine DRS had been around when Geoff Boycott was playing. He’d have reviewed a clean bowled.

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