Royal Baby jokes

Yes it’s another benefit receiving scrounger added to the world’s most workshy family. Read these jokes and then buy a mug.

kate middletonWilliam and Kate Middleton have employed a nanny. She says it’s really hard work changing and feeding them.

Royal event mugs tend to buy plates.

I’d love it if Kate and William gave birth to Abu Qatada.

Prince William’s preparing to clean up puke from a helpless creature that can’t speak. Yep, his brother is staying over.

Kate Middleton’s view of suffragettes is that she prefers British Airways.

What will Kate Middleton have less to do with? Her career or her baby.

In just a few weeks the Royal Baby will be able to shoo away a poor person.

Charles rung in to express his best wishes but he cannot get through the prank call monitoring system.

News editors at the Daily Express told at least three must self combust with excitement. Weirdly, around 329 staff volunteered.

Scream from Kate’s delivery room. Nothing to do with pregnancy, she’s just stepped on scales.

READ: ROYAL BABY JOKES, VOLUME 2

Prince Phillip has offered to wet nurse.

I doubt Indiana Jones could get out of Kate Middleton.

People say we should not mock a defenceless baby. This one has six armed bodyguards for fuck’s sake.

The only thing more simpering and pathetic than this baby is the media coverage.

In tomorrow’s Daily Mail, Jan Moir asks if  the baby’s head too big and likely to be a safety hazard in Buckingham Palace…..AS CONSEQUENCE OF IRRESPONSIBLE MORALITY.

It is at moments of national importance like these, that BBC journalists show just how much dignity they’ll sacrifice for 50k a year.

When William was born, Prince Charles main thought was that one day a Tory Government would censor animal porn.

World, want to see our North Korea impression?

I’d love it if this heady mix of babies, heat, media & demented Royal watchers causes a full scale riot.

The Royals are intensely private – another luxury denied the rest of us.

Today is apparently a good day to bury bad news. So I can reveal that another posh scrounger has been born.

Britain celebrates the Something for Nothing culture.

America loves the Royals. Funny that the only idiotic thing they don’t do and they’re totally jealous.

I wonder who will get on the scales first. The baby or Kate Middleton.

Breastfeeding on Kate Middleton must be like trying to survive solely on ‘seconds’ at Eric Pickles house.

Kate and Wills have so much to look forward to. First steps. First words. First unintended racial sleight. First intended racial sleight. First racial – OH YOU GET THE FUCKING PICTURE.

Another chance for the Queen to use the Royal Dummy, aka Prince Edward.

When you get called ‘Harry’ as a Royal, that’s basically the Palace saying, ‘we knows you’re a wrong un’.

The Royal Family is like religion. The Believers are nutters and for everyone else it only matters at times of birth, marriage and death.

There’s nothing like a Royal event to remind us all why the BBC needs scrapping.

Prince William: “We’re still working on a name”. Can you do *anything* yourself mate

Thousands gathered outside Buckingham Palace. Idealists, look away now.

Pippa Middleton has suggested calling the #RoyalBaby Pippa Middleton.

World, want to see our North Korea impression?

When William was born, Prince Charles main thought was that one day a Tory Government would censor animal porn.



Back to Top ↑

Cheap laughs! Get topical jokes straight in your inbox. Subscribe now!